Huzzah .... A thousand Huzzahs

Do you ever have those moments where you just are not content enough in life as it is and wonder how it could if you took a different path tomorrow?  As with other times in my life, I am getting up the courage to do something haphazard.   How it will end, who knows... the last few times I have done it I crashed and burned and had to run home to Utah to rebuild my life (and my bank account) but I think the wheel of fate are going to start turning again.

Just as a highlight reel at past adventures and my lack of completion

- Attempt 1: LDS Mission: Decided to try the Church in the Eleventh hour and went and served and honorable 2 years mission
 Fail 1:  Have completely giving up on the church and have securely become an Agnostic.  (oops)

- Attempt 2: NYC:  Got a job at Nickelodeon right out of college and moved to Manhattan!  LOVED IT!
  Fail 2: Was overworked and under appreciated and thought I could find another job after a year before my money ran out.  In this moment, I was wrong!

So what will attempt 3 be?  DC?  LA?  Out of country??  I have several friends who have taken a "wherever the wind will take me" type approach to life and I am really feeling the need to do it.   Peace Corp?  Americorp?  I am not taking anything off the options list.

28 and a half isn't too late to restart your life.... right?

It feels good on the other side!

So the shit storm that I was going through has finally seem to have broken and boy am I happy about it.   I have just moved onto "I don't care" phase and God, it is good!   I realized it fully last night when I was at my Wednesday night trivia game at our local pub and none of that past shit even seemed to phase me!  When this started, I hoped that my "old" friends would just allow me to have my trivia and that they would stay away so that I could still have a good time at my "walking" bar.  Well, they, I guess, didn't get that memo and so I was worried that they would get that activity in the "breakup" as well!

Well, Fuck them!!  I am not letting it go!   I went last night and had a blast!!  I was talking to 3 or 4 different tables and having a great time and them being there didn't bug me in the least!  And to make the pot even better, I got a barrage of text messages from one of them saying that last night was tough on them.  So I have moved on from the situation and they are still in the quagmire of it.  I know that is petty but it is nice not having to worry about the drama and the jealousy anymore.  

I think it is good to mix up your friends after a while, especially ones that you have had some bad times with.  It allows for fresh starts and new times... instead of living in the past!   

Reinventing your self really isn't that hard!

I haven't quite figured out why I have posted a HIMYM picture as the opening to this post but I am going to give it a shot!  I have been watching it a lot recently and it makes me happy/is helping me get into another group of friends/it is a perfect example of random people becoming friends and having a good time.   Any of those options are suitable for my needs.

So I have been doing a good job of making the change from my former group of friends into a few different  new ones.  I have been lucky to find a few groups of people who are more than happy to invite me into their worlds and maybe a girl or two who seems to have a little interest in yours truly.  This is really helping my ego and self esteem that would have usually been near the bottom since I seek the validation of others to confirm my self esteem usually.

I do you have one current wrench in my "fuck it" tour.   I have been using running to both get me into shape and also, as time to think and work through my problems.   Well, about a week ago, I tweaked my Achilles tendon and so I had to not run all last week.  Now, I went running on Sunday and it continued to hurt.  Grr, finally I am doing something good for my body and it can't keep up!  Damn Body!   Also, it is getting colder and I have never ran in the middle of the winter so we will see how this turns out.

When Life Gives You Limes... Buy some Coronas!!!

So it is my plan to make this blog less of a bitch session that will only depress whoever stumbles upon it and turn it into the blog of awesomeness and insightfulness that ...it was honestly meant to be.  Since my last blog yesterday, my sister's child in the hospital is have a few more issues and I found out that my entire office is going to be moving and I really fear that it will be farther away.  So you know what I am doing... deciding to let by the credo, " Fuck it, I am going to make the most of it"   

So here is day one on the Fuck It Tour!!!  

Ok, Therapeutic Blogging... work your magic!!!

When you hear of those classic lackluster days, Today is pretty high up on the list.   At the beginning of the day, I was optimistic... you could almost call me Jovial.  Now, I feel a mere shadow of my earlier self.   I have been trudging along all day.. barely keeping up with my work.  Now why am I have such a lull?!?

Possible problems that could be spurring my slow drift into depression.  Family issues coming from my sister's stress with having a  13 week premature child and her husband job possibly shifting across the country.  To parent issues, coming from the lack of actually having living parents to come to with my problems and my inability to actually work through my issues I have with them and their deaths.  Possibly friend problems: where I am distancing myself from a certain group because of my lack of energy to deal with issues that I am at part for creating but am choosing to run from because it seems in my mind this is easiest and healthiest path to chose.  And finally personal problems, like my wants to move around the country because I don't like being in Salt Lake.  Or how I am unable to have healthy relationships here.... not thinking I am employed at the level I should be and so on.

Though I also don't believe just bitchin about it with trying to solve your own problems, so that is my plan.  Though I am not sure how I can solve a great deal of those problems.  So help me Gods of the Internet... Help me divine out how to resolve said problems and move forward a better person because of these trials.

May I work through my problems through the written word...

So we have all seen the movies when the protagonist works through whatever issue they are having by using a journal or writing a story that will later show up in the "New Yorker"  Well, neither of those things are really going to happen with this blog but maybe this writing will be cathartic and help me be a little less bat shit crazy when life throws me a curve ball or two.

So here is a little bit about me (or how I see myself anyway)  I am a late twenty something who really is trying to discover himself.  I am undecided where I stand in terms of religion and what I really see himself doing with my life.  I am a hopeless romantic but have really never had success in any relationship.  Now, that is a contradiction if I have ever heard one.  Does this mean that I am not really a romantic at all, because I don't think I really have felt what I think love is.  Now that would be something for me to work through with a therapist :) but sadly, I am too poor for an actual person's help so I am turning to the unlimited power of the internet and social media to help me cope.

Well, now it is official, I have set this blog in motion and will see where this leads me.  Hopefully this does more than just fill my narcissistic need for attention and actually brings forth insight and contemplation (fingers crossed).